Adolescence on the Horizon
Your baby is growing up. Here's why you should embrace the changes, dole out more responsibility, and help her rise to the occasion.
Instead of fearing the changes adolescence brings, embrace the adult your child is becoming.
Every child handles the changes that come with growing up differently. Starting in middle school, you'll witness your child tackling independence in all walks of life, adding new responsibilities at school, at home, and with friends. While it can be a rocky road, there are some sweet rewards on the way. “Preteens can be viewed as difficult,” says Alan Josephson, MD, chief of the division of child and adolescent psychiatry at the University of Louisville School of Medicine in Kentucky. “But really, they're great. They have a more mature and nuanced sense of humor, and they are starting to enjoy life in a different way. It can be neat to hear what they say.” So listen up!
At School
The adjustment to middle school can be quite a wake-up call. In fact, most kids this age handle the changes much the way they react to a blaring alarm clock: They either groan, hit the snooze button, and roll back under the covers, or jump out of bed right away and rise to the challenge.
Julie, a mother of four from Toledo, Ohio, saw both ends of the spectrum with her two youngest children. "My son only did the minimum to pass," she says. "Because he's always tested well, he used that to his advantage and skimped on homework." However, Julie has seen her son mature as time goes on. "He is starting to realize the value of homework as he looks towards the future and college."
Your middle schooler may need an extra nudge to accept new schoolwork responsibilities. Without pushing too hard, talk about his goals for school and even his career. These will change over time, but doing his work well now will help him with whatever his future ambitions may be.
Some middle schoolers avoid homework because they aren’t sure how to handle the new workload. Offer organizational ideas such as an essay-writing plan or a research-report outline.
Julie's daughter is the exact opposite of her brother. "She has always tried her hardest, whether it's with school or extracurriculars," Julie says. If your middle schooler takes the initiative to succeed, make sure she has tools to make it easy, like a to-do list and a planning calendar. And whether you have a go-getter or a reluctant scholar, the cardinal rule is: Stay involved. Stay engaged! "An adolescent may never say the words, but she wants to hear that you love her and respect her," says Allan Tasman, MD, professor and chairman of the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences, also at the University of Louisville School of Medicine.
With encouragement, tweens often will blossom and show increased interest in extracurricular activities. One mom from Fairfield, Connecticut, recalls that sports improved her son's independence: "When motivated by the sports he's involved in, he's very responsible about getting himself up early and arriving on time at practices and games — even getting up early on week-ends and in the summer!" It's a joy to watch your child pursue his passions; be sure he knows how proud you are.
At Home
What happens around the house as your child takes on middle school? Julie reports that her children were less amenable to chores as they got older. Though tweens are capable of greater responsibility, their busy schedules (and newfound defiance) mean they may balk at new household duties. Assess your child's past habits to help form your expectations for what he can handle. Set guidelines about what needs to get done before he can go to a friend's house or participate in after-school events. Be clear, firm, and fair; if he wants to enjoy his independence, he must earn it by taking on responsibility. Try chores parallel with rewards: If he does his own laundry, you increase his clothing allowance, for example. "At this age, your child starts showing positive independence and handling things in his own way. Let him surprise you," says Dr. Josephson.
You'll need to allow for some flexibility. "When your child forgets to handle a chore, remember that kids forget all the time!" says Dr. Josephson. "This level of responsibility is new. There probably won't be day-in, day-out consistency."
With Friends
For most kids, peer pressure comes on very strong in middle school. So when it comes to your child's social life, seeing him make good decisions can be incredibly rewarding. What kind of rules should you set, and how much freedom should you give? "Sometimes they've loved me and sometimes they've hated me, but I was never trying to win any popularity contests," Julie says. "The rule around here is I need to know where my kids were at all times, and if plans change, call first. If they abuse this privilege, they stay home next time."
Dr. Tasman says that Julie's approach is right on. "Early adolescence is a time for risky behaviors, so parents should be vigilant about standards. Kids are going to try things, which may lead to fights, but give clear boundaries and be adamant about the consequences of breaking those boundaries," he says. And yet — here's where it gets tricky!— you don't want to go too far. "Parents sometimes impose too much during a period where kids are creating distance," says Dr. Tasman. "In early adolescence, the child moves away from his parent as a main source of support, and towards peer groups, and this comes as a total shock to parents. Understand that step back, and reflect first on whose agenda is at hand — your or your child's?" Tasman advises.
As you watch your child move forward into the world of middle school, stop and take notice. See how he rises to accept the responsibilities ahead of him. This new independence will continue evolving — so if there are bumps in the road, you'll be there to help steer him towards adulthood.
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Diary of a Wimpy Kid II - Rodrick Rules
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Diary of a Wimpy Kid II - Rodrick Rules
by Jeff KinneySecrets have a way of getting out, especially when a diary is involved.
$10.36 You save: 20%
Whatever you do, don't ask Greg Heffley how he spent his summer vacation, because he definitely doesn't want to talk about it.
As Greg enters the new school year, he's eager to put the past three months behind him . . . . and one event in particular.
Unfortunately for Greg, his older brother, Rodrick, knows all about the incident Greg wants to keep under wraps. But secrets have a way of getting out . . . . especially when a diary is involved.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules chronicles Greg's attempts to navigate the hazards of middle school, impress the girls, steer clear of the school talent show, and most important, keep his secret safe.
Staff Review:
Hilarious and extremely silly cartoons in two fun-packed albums by Jeff Kinney! As Greg always says, "Don't always expect me to be 'Dear Diary' this and 'Dear Diary' that." With so many new characters and silly stories, how can the fun ever end!
Milan C.
books;hardcover books;hardcovers | Ages 9-12
Ages 9-12 $10.36
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The Catcher in the Rye
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The Catcher in the Rye
Stunned by his mother's recent death and appalled by the way his father sleepwalks through life, Jerry Renault, a New England high school student, ponders the poster in his locker-"Do I dare disturb the universe?
$6.99
Part of his universe is Archie Costello, leader of a secret school societ-the Virgils-and master of intimidation. Archie himself is intimidated by a cool, ambitious teacher into having the Virgils spearhead the annual fund-raising event-a chocolate sale. When Jerry refuses to be bullied into selling chocolates, he becomes a hero, but his defiance is a threat to Archie, the Virgils, and the school. In the inevitable showdown, Archie's skill at intimidation turns Jerry from hero to outcast, to victim, leaving him alone and terribly vulnerable.
books;paperback books;paperbacks | Ages 13 and Up
Ages 13 and Up $6.99
