Shunned by Peers
Get help when kids feel left out of the loop.
Q: My 9-year-old daughter is being left out of everything at school by her classmates, as well as being told what to do and where to sit (or where not to sit). She has a few friends but they are not in her class. She is very respectful of other people to the point where she would rather be hurt than have others hurt.
When we talk about the situation she said that it really doesn't bother her to sit alone at lunch or to be told that a particular school job is not hers even though she knows it is. I am just concerned that if she lets people push and boss her around too much she will have problems later.
A: Nine-year-old girls can be very cruel and either bully or relentlessly tease other girls. Your daughter is stoically accepting such abuse in a complacent fashion, but she must be quietly suffering the girls' insulting behavior.
The first step is to speak to the teachers. If they can't or won't address the issue, discuss the situation with the principal. Hear the school staff out before taking further action. Your daughter inadvertently may be causing the scapegoating. This is why it is important to know the teacher's observations and a psychologist's evaluation.
Your daughter may find relief in speaking with a guidance counselor or psychologist. You are correct in assuming that if she doesn't learn how to confront her aggressive peers with a variety of responses (either refusing to comply with their demands or offering a humorous rejoinder, for example) she may have problems later.
