Reaching Puberty
By 5th grade, some children — mainly girls — will experience a rush of hormones and bodily changes.
Their changing bodies can leave kids feeling self-conscious and confused.
Some 5th graders have reached, or are on the verge of reaching, puberty. Girls usually experience these changes first, between the ages of 10 and 12 (a small percentage of girls, however, begin menstruating at the end of 4th grade). Hormones tend to hit boys later, between the ages of 12 to 15. But like everything in child development, the range is wide.
Biology Takes Over
Craving Attention
The Role of Schools
Feeling Flirty
Biology Takes Over
Their changing bodies can leave kids feeling self-conscious and confused. Girls can become particularly critical in regard to their appearance — especially if they think of themselves as chubby. While it may do little to appease her, be sure to point out to your daughter that some weight gain at puberty is normal, as breasts and possibly hips fill out. Naturally, you'll want to avoid commenting on any changes in ways that might embarrass her. “Whatever you do, don't tell your child's friends that she got her period," says Debbie Glasser, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Fort Lauderdale and founder of NewsforParents.org. "That's information for her to share — if she chooses!"
Perhaps adding to a maturing child's stress, kids grow at different rates, so everyone isn't going through the same thing at once. "You can have one girl in class with hair under her arms, and others with nothing," Glasser explains. "There's an increased desire to fit in as kids approach middle school, and bodily changes can make for some pronounced differences." Aside from looking different, your child may have other causes for alarm. "Kids don't always know what's going on with their bodies," notes Yelena Malysheva, a special education teacher in the Los Angeles United School System. "Their breasts may hurt but they're afraid to tell mom because they think they've done something to cause it." Malysheva reminds parents to remain empathetic during this tumultuous time.
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Craving Attention
On the other hand, some early developers aren't shy about their maturing bodies. Malysheva notes that typically girls who develop first feel the need to show off, and often start experimenting with fashion. "It's part of what I call the 5th Grade Syndrome," she says. "Revealing their training bras, or wearing high heels or too-short skirts, is a way of 'proving' to others that they're adults."
Ellen Menzies, a 5th grade teacher in northern Virginia, echoes the sentiment. "I'm often shocked by what girls are allowed to wear to school at this age," says this mother of three boys. "Despite a lengthy lecture on dress code at the beginning of the school year, girls hit puberty, and it seems like they want everyone to notice."
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The Role of Schools
Most schools offer some type of course in growth and human development, which is usually incorporated into the health curriculum (state standards vary). In Wisconsin, for example, 4th and 5th grade boys and girls learn separately about each other's reproductive systems. Susan Masterson, the principal at Monroe Elementary School in Janesville, Wisconsin, and the president-elect of the National Association of Elementary School Principals, explains the process in her state: "We invite parents to view a maturity and sexual health video along with their children. Typically the dads attend with their sons and the moms join their daughters. Afterward there’s an opportunity to submit questions anonymously to the school nurse, who is available to answer them."
Masterson describes the videos as clinical. "The presentation is factual and medically based. It shows what the reproductive system looks like and where it's located, and touches on sexually transmitted diseases," says Masterson, adding that the values part of the discussion is left to the parents. "As you might imagine, watching the videos often jump-starts conversation at home."
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Feeling Flirty
The physical changes of puberty often bring out sexual feelings — another distraction to learning. “Kids don’t want to concentrate on the day’s work, so they’ll try to get something going by passing a note and starting a rumor about one person liking another,” says Mary Pat McCartney, an elementary school counselor at Bristow Run Elementary School in Virginia.
What looks like a playground spat between a boy and a girl may actually be a neophyte version of flirting. “They’re too young to know how to flirt properly, so they push and shove each other to show interest,” says Masterson. Children may even refer to a twosome as “going out.” In reality, though, the “couple” doesn’t go anywhere together. They might hang out at recess and phone and Instant Message each other at home, but it’s not “dating."
Other typical kinds of flirting include making crank calls and acting nervous and/or silly in the presence of the opposite sex. One mother of a 5th grade boy joked that with caller I.D. she knew right away who had disturbed the family’s sleep — the unwelcome call came from the home of a girl hosting a slumber party!
Whether your 5th grader has reached puberty or is just hearing about it, it's important to stay alert to the changes and open to any questions your child might have. Now more than ever, you want to be an "askable parent."
