Foster a Can-Do Attitude
5 ways to help your child succeed in early elementary school
High-five! Bolstering his self-esteem helps him handle setbacks and struggles at school.
As kids move from grade to grade, they encounter myriad changes large and small. There may be a new building to navigate and new teachers and classmates to meet, which can be intimidating. The sequence of the day shifts to a more rigid schedule, and the workload increases with each passing year. To handle these changes with ease, children call upon a host of critical life skills. That's where you come in. By recognizing the transition times that can be tricky, you can help your child hone the skills she needs to thrive.
Early Elementary Challenges
Although your child will begin to function more independently, he still needs your guidance, supervision, and support. By the beginning of the 2nd grade, many students — but certainly not all — are reading at grade level. Some may even be reading easy chapter books. Late bloomers do catch up, but if reading remains a struggle for your child, take a closer look and check with the teacher to see if further testing is warranted. Because of the wide diversity of reading levels, kids may think that everyone else is smarter than they are. If self-esteem is shaky, another child's mean comment about his geeky-looking glasses or dorky sneakers could trigger a meltdown. At this age, kids are growing in self-awareness. As they compare themselves to others, twinges of self-doubt may surface. The toughest challenge? Cementing self-esteem and learning to handle setbacks.
What your child needs most
- Realistic expectations. Young children look mostly to parents to define their emotional reality. Your facial expression, attitudes, praise, and criticism form a mirror into which she peers for basic judgments and confirmation about herself. That's why setting realistic expectations for your child, based on her innate abilities and interests (not on your own unfulfilled needs) is crucial. It's worth remembering that all children aren't superstars - and that character and happiness aren't measured by class rank. A sense of self-worth; knowing how to be kind and listen to others; a sense of humor; and the ability to learn from what's going on around them are qualities that will carry a child further in life than a straight-A report card.
- A can-do attitude. True self-esteem comes from real accomplishments. Needless to say, the more competent children feel, the more motivated they'll be to stick with a difficult task or try something new. This is especially important for a child who doesn't show much initiative. Instead of jumping right in with five ideas for his science project, take a mental step back and see what he comes up with first. If he's really stuck, have him bounce an idea or two off of you, no matter how silly he may think they are. As you talk them over, something good will take shape. Be sure to let your child make his own decisions, within reason, about when and where to do homework, as well as which extracurricular activities to join. Give him the room to make his own mistakes. Don't push and don't hover: The child who senses your faith in his abilities will learn to trust his perceptions and judgments, derive more satisfaction from his accomplishments and stay motivated. In the long run, he'll be better equipped to handle the typical rigors and disappointments of school without feeling like a failure.
- Good social skills. "Children who have trouble getting along with peers do less well in school than those who have honed good social skills," says Susan Linn, Ed.D., an educational psychologist at the Judge Baker Children's Center in Boston, Massachusetts. "It may be that adjusting socially is so stressful, the fallout makes it hard to learn." Winning a popularity contest isn't the goal; helping your child gain confidence in social encounters is. She needs to understand what it means to be a friend and that not everyone will have the same abilities, interests, or opinions that she does. If your child is struggling with peers, role-play effective ways to stand up for herself and express her feelings without being bossy or alienating others. It's also a good idea to encourage friendships with a wide variety of children by joining organizations outside of school, such as religious youth groups, scouting, and community recreation teams. That way, if problems crop up with school friends (as they inevitably do) she'll feel less alone.
- Parents who feel good about themselves. Kids take their cues from you, so pay attention to how you act and react to stress in your own life. Do you lose your temper at the guy who just pulled into the last parking space in the lot, the one that was clearly yours? Do you drag work frustrations home? Are you critical about yourself — "I can't believe I did such a stupid thing?" — as you slam the car keys on the table? Hand-me-down stress manifests itself in myriad ways in your child: physical symptoms, anger, whining, irritability, even a regression in learning and motivation. Making simple shifts in the way you perceive your world will help your child see his in a more positive light.
- A balance between school and after-school. It's important for children to explore many areas of success, inside and outside the classroom. The ability to catch a fly ball deep into left field or play a piece on the piano will trigger good feelings that extend to other areas of life. Make it clear that you value all of your child's accomplishments. However, keep your eyes and ears open so you know when an activity is putting to much pressure on your child.
