Infants & Toddlers/Communication With Families: Exploring Children's Social Relationships

You can work with parents to get children ready for the world of peer relationships.

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LOVING RELATIONSHIPS--FIRST AND FOREMOST WITH THEIR families--the heart of everything that matter for infants and toddlers. Gradually, you also become a part of this loving circle. Over the next few years, as the toddler becomes more independent, she will develop friendships with peers. A close partnership with parents and teachers helps children navigate this exciting and challenging entry into the world of social relationships.

Babies' first social interactions begin when caring adults learn to read their cues. Watch for each child's unique style of communication. Share your observations with parents and ask them what they have noticed. Babies intuitively feel understood when you mirror back their expressions. Try it, and ask parents to try this as well.

Each baby has his own way of signaling when he is ready to interact. Crying is one obvious way, but ask parents about their baby's more subtle cues-an inviting glance, a wave of the arm, a gentle cooing sound. Respond to a baby's invitation with a game of peek-a-boo. Take turns handing toys back and forth. Ask parents what games their baby enjoys and initiate one of them.

Place babies who are not yet crawling near each other. Even 6-month-olds interact when they sit side-by-side exploring interesting toys. Encourage these interactions by talking to them about what they are doing and sharing smiles or gentle touches. As children mature, their attachments with one another strengthen and, over time, they become part of a group.

Small-group experiences enable toddlers to practice the give-and-take aspect of friendships and experiment with asserting themselves and/or complying with another child's desires. Conflict between toddlers is unavoidable. It is part of the learning process but slightly more manageable in a small-group setting. Sometimes toddlers just need a little time to try to work things out between themselves. Given an extra moment, for instance, they may decide that there is enough room on the rug for both of them, after all.

Learning to cooperate takes time. Positive feedback from teachers helps parents remain hopeful that their toddler will acquire this skill-even when conflict over toys is still so common! Tell parents about their toddler's growing friendships and also let families know when their child shares an interest with another child. This is a great topic for a monthly newsletter: "Jose and Miguel love to paint together every morning after snack!" In the room, facilitate positive play interactions by commenting to the children: "You two sure have fun painting together!"

When you must intervene, to stop hitting or biting, keep in mind that toddlers are trying to manage peer relationships for the first time in their lives. They aren't "naughty." If they need help learning how to get along with one another, they are just being toddlers.

Carla Poole is a faculty member in the infant-parent development program at Bank Street College of Education in New York.

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