After Care for Your Middle Schooler
When your child outgrows after-school care, what's next?
When Jane and Annie Behre of New Hope, Pennsylvania, were younger, they didn't mind going to the after-care program at their elementary school. But that changed once Annie, now 10, transitioned to the upper elementary school, and Jane, now 12, entered middle school. Neither liked the structure of their new program. After hearing their opinions voiced one too many times, their mom, Leah Ingram, says, "we decided they were probably old enough to stay home by themselves."
That works for Ingram, who has a home-based writing business and is only away occasionally to run an errand or see a client. And, so far, the girls have proven themselves mature enough to handle the responsibility. But not every parent has the job flexibility Ingram has. Nor does every child demonstrate the responsibility her daughters have shown. That's why tweens — and their parents — are stuck in the middle once again: they're too old for most after-school programs, but too young to be home alone.
"Parents often assume their kids can handle more independence than they are truly ready for," says Sue Blaney, author of Please Stop the Rollercoaster! How Parents of Teenagers Can Smooth Out the Ride. Research by the Afterschool Alliance demonstrates that unsupervised time can lead to an increase in juvenile crime, teenage pregnancies, drug and alcohol use, and poor school performance.
More Than Supervision
Still, providing adult oversight is only part of the puzzle. "Middle school kids have dramatic needs in terms of social and physical stimulation, and parents need to be sure those needs are met when they explore after-school opportunities," Blaney says. Many kids enjoy physical activity because it's an effective way to relieve built-up energy and tension. They also crave socialization. "They want to be with their own," she says.
When evaluating a program, Blaney says, "look at what the kids are doing." Find out if the program offers both social and physical activities, and whether they provide ways to open kids' minds to new and interesting opportunities. "We want to expand their horizons and a quality after-school program will do that," she says.
That's the goal at Key Middle School in Springfield, Virginia, where kids get to explore their interests, make new friends, and engage in activities they can't do at home. "We have a lot of sports," says Ellen McNail, the school's after-school specialist. "We have a wide range of clubs. Some students do beading or scrapbooking. We also have electronic games like Guitar Hero and the Wii. It's a social club in a lot of ways. It's amazing to see students who perhaps don't get along during the day come here and enjoy playing games together, taking turns and having fun."
Taking the School Out of After School
If an after-school program isn't an option for you, consider what Nancy Brown did. "When my 12-year-old daughter, Surya, was in 5th and 6th grade, she'd walk down or bike over to my office after school if I needed to stay late. We had an extra room where we set up a TV with a DVD player, and she'd get to buy a snack from the employee cafeteria. She liked it."
Finding after-school alternatives for your middle-schooler can require some creativity on your part, says Brown, a senior research associate in the department of health service research at California's Palo Alto Medical Foundation Research Institute. "You have to be proactive."
To start your search:
- Explore your community. Local community and recreation centers, YMCAs, libraries, museums, places of worship, Boys and Girls Clubs, and local parks may offer a variety of programs that meet your child's needs.
- Look into volunteering. If your child enjoys being with younger children, perhaps she'd like to volunteer at a day care center or preschool. "Elementary school teachers tend to work late and may appreciate having your child help by cutting things out, cleaning up their room, and getting ready for the next day," says Brown. If your child loves animals or the environment, a local pet shelter or park may be eager for her help. Volunteering is a great after-school job for kids, says Brown, "because it gives them that sense of community service that so many kids are lacking."
- Talk to your neighbors. Perhaps they're in a similar situation. Create a multi-family co-op, suggests Blaney. Rotate responsibility each week for carpooling, supervising homework, and keeping the kids happy and safe. Or put the word out to see if your son or daughter could become a mother's helper for a family with small children. Elderly neighbors benefit from the kindness of young people too, whether it's by taking out the trash, playing cards together, or reading a book.
- Sign up for sports. Practices keep your child busy after school and let him burn off excess energy. If he's more observer than athlete, he might enjoy helping a team as a record-keeper or equipment manager.
