A Good Enough Sleepover
Why the not-perfect slumber party is perfectly fine.
Kids arrive, eat, sleep, and go home: that's a sleepover! Keep your slumber party simple and kid-focused, and everyone will have a good time. Child psychologist Bruno Bettelheim advises listening to your child and trusting your intuition in his book, A Good Enough Parent, and when it comes to sleepovers (with a nod to Bettelheim), your job is to help your child have the kind of party he'll enjoy instead of the kind you want. Sleepovers are simple; they pretty much run themselves. So bring 'em on. Here are some ways to make the good-enough sleepover happen.
Get Ready, Get Set
Even for a good-enough party, you do need to do (just a little) prep work. Mostly, let your child be in charge of the planning. She knows what's cool, what to do, what to eat, what music to listen to. You set the boundaries for the evening (see below) and stock up on ice (for soda and bumps on the head) and flowers (to set a civilized tone). Beyond that, let the night unfold kid-style, while you keep watch.
Sleepovers are best for kids 8 to 12 years old, an age when great friendships are formed. Any younger and you'll get midnight meltdowns. Any older and they're sneaking boys into the basement or aren't interested in slumber parties anymore; enjoy this phase while it lasts. It's a great chance to eavesdrop and see what your child's friends are all about.
House Rules
From the start, tell your child and his friends what you expect (keep doors locked, don't go outside after lights out, no extra guests, no bullying). Teach your child to use the "my parents would kill me" excuse to save face, blaming you to get out of jams like midnight rambles to the park.
Eats and Sweets
Great food is an important part of any sleepover. Think big, cheap, and plentiful. Girls might enjoy a fancy dinner table set with wedding china and champagne glasses, but for most sleepovers, it's paper plates all the way. Sample menu items:
- Pizza
- Lasagna or ziti
- French bread
- Spaghetti and meatballs
- Burgers and hot dogs
- Chili
- Popcorn
- Brownies
- Cookies
In the "small things matter" category, caffeine-free soda (clear sodas and most root beers) won't make anyone fall asleep, but won't work against you, either.
Once you've fed the kids a last "midnight" snack, do not heed any "I'm hungry" cries when the chorus begins. "The kitchen is closed" is your firm reply.
Keep Kids Busy
A sleepover lasts about 14 hours, and usually includes a video, so have your child plan three or four hours of things to do. Better to have too many ideas than too few. Plan your party for Friday night so everyone (including you) has the weekend to recover.
Arrival is at dinnertime: 6 or 7 p.m. Give each parent the next day's pickup time in writing, with your address and phone; sometimes one parent drops off and the other picks up.
By 10 p.m., have the kids in the sleeping area, in jammies and sleeping bags, and dim the lights. They won't fall asleep right away, but at least they'll be in position. Lock the doors, forbid them to go outside, and check on them every so often.
At 10 the next morning, everyone leaves: cereal, cinnamon rolls, and they're out the door.
Stage a warm welcome: Get the action going right from the start so everyone is involved. Try:
- Playing music
- Having the first guests take red-carpet style pictures of others as they arrive
- Voting on which video to watch
- Guessing how many M&Ms are in a jar
- Making labels for their sleeping bags
- Playing catch outside
- Wearing candy necklaces
- Making root-beer floats or ice-cream sundaes
Bring on the night: Night and darkness play an important role in any sleepover, so flashlight tag, silhouette shadows, and strobe-effect games are perfect. So are star-gazing with an outdoor telescope, pillow fights, or ghost stories.
Move it: Active play will burn up extra energy, especially for rowdy boys: skate, swim, hike, play basketball in your driveway, stage a backyard Olympics.
Quieter fun: Create a soothing mood with arts projects or girlie pampering.
- Crafts
- Hand and foot massages
- Fake or henna tattoos
- Chalk murals on the basement wall or driveway
- Makeovers and up-dos
- Jigsaw puzzles or board games
Winning prizes: Everyone likes to be recognized for their strong points, so sometime during the night have the kids recognize each other in a positive way: life of the party, hungriest, chattiest, funniest, best dancer, loudest snorer, insomniac, strongest, most thoughtful. Make award certificates on your computer; the kids can fill them in by hand.
