Dads Not Allowed?

Is your classroom father-friendly? It should be!

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It’s time for your annual back-to-school picnic. A parade of grown-ups file into your classroom, some carrying trays of home-baked goodies, others finishing up e-mails on their Blackberries. Your school boasts an impressive volunteer rate, even among working parents. There’s only one problem—almost every adult who pitches in is a woman. While a handful of stay-at-home dads help out, there are few working fathers frosting cupcakes or cutting out paper apples.

It’s a scenario all too familiar to Don Thielke—he’s a teacher and a dad. One of the perks of the job is that he can sometimes leave early to volunteer in his children’s elementary school classrooms. But the classroom mothers always seem to contact his wife first, and teachers sometimes express surprise that he would want to help at all.

Indeed, Thielke says he got an odd vibe from his son’s teacher when he and another father volunteered for a classroom party. “I got the idea that she didn’t expect us to be patient with the children or enjoy being a part of the classroom activities,” he says. “It was plenty fun and enjoyable, but I guess she didn’t expect the other fellow or me to like it that much. I think they are used to ‘dads go to work, moms volunteer at school.’âÂÂ?ÂÂ?”

The Mama Bridgade
In this day and age, when men are doing more than ever to help raise their children, why are so many schools still a mamas-only zone?

“Many men, myself included, do not feel welcome in schools,” explains Kyle Pruett, a Yale psychology professor and author of Fatherneed: Why Father Care Is As Essential As Mother Care for Your Child. “There are no posters on the wall or magazines in the front office that make me feel like this is my place.”

Beyond the inspirational photos of kittens in socks and back issues of Working Mother, many schools don’t actively solicit dads to help out. “The schools say the fathers don’t come because they’re so busy, they’re working,” says Pruett. “And the fathers say, ‘Nobody asks, of course I’d come.’âÂÂ?ÂÂ?"

“Schools are matriarchal,” agrees Ron Klinger, founder of the Texas-based nonprofit Center for Successful Fathering. Klinger says he faced resistance when he began running school-site fathering workshops in the 1990s. “We discovered that school teachers actually preferred to have mothers there rather than the fathers. Who knows why?”

James Martinez, a spokesman for the national PTA, admits his organization has historically targeted mothers more than fathers in its outreach. But he also says low father involvement is a byproduct of historical gender roles—dad as breadwinner, mom as caretaker.

Whatever the reasons, many families have created a division of labor that sees mothers taking the lead role in their children’s school lives. Women outnumber men on PTA membership roles by nine to one. And a U.S. Department of Education report titled “Fathers’ Involvement in Their Children’s Schools” showed that moms were nearly three times more likely than dads to volunteer at school. (In single-parent families, mothers were only slightly more involved than fathers.)

What’s the Impact on Kids?
When dads overcome the obstacles and do get involved, the benefits are noticeable. “We know that when fathers are positively engaged in children’s lives, a lot of positive things happen,” says Pruett. “They are better behaved. They do better in school. They are less likely to use physical violence.

“Veteran teachers will tell you, it’s stunning to them, the effect of having a man in a classroom,” he says. “When a guy comes in to read or do a special project, the impact is exponentially greater than when women do it, partly because of the novelty factor.”

The Department of Education report shows that 50 percent of students with highly involved fathers in two-parent families get mostly A’s in school, compared with 34 percent of students whose fathers had low involvement. Children with involved dads were more likely than others to enjoy school and participate in extracurricular activities, and they were less likely to be suspended, expelled, or retained.

Fathers in schools provide positive male role models in a setting that often lacks them, agrees Melody Carter, an assistant principal at Corinth Elementary School in Lake Dallas, Texas. That’s why her school started a Smiling Dads program, in which fathers sign up for one or more days per week to greet kids as they enter the school.

“To me, the biggest benefit is I can start out the children’s day with a ‘good morning’ and a greeting,” says Carter.

Getting Dads Through the Door …
Other schools and programs are making a big push to get more dads in the classroom. “Sometimes teachers will say, ‘We’ve got a full plate,’” says Eric Snow, national director of the father volunteer program Watch D.O.G.S. (“Dads of Great Students.") (www.fathers.com/watchdogs ) “What they’re finding is, for example, dads are shocked that teachers have to pay out of pocket for school supplies. Fathers are great allies in the community.”

Watch D.O.G.S. is active in 780 schools and recruits fathers to volunteer at school for one full day each year. Volunteers pitch in with bus duty, help out in classrooms, and walk a school’s perimeter to help beef up security. But Snow says dads often end up committing beyond their one-day stint. Some “dogs” have led fundraisers, while volunteers at one school paid for a walkway that had not been funded.

“The schools are finding out this is a great resource to get things done,” says Snow. “When these dads get involved, they don’t want to let go.”

Helping out around school can open new lines of communication between teachers and dads, says Randall Bascom, president of the Westchase Dads’ Club. The group, which supports an elemetary school in Tampa, Florida, has repainted markings on the teachers’ parking lot and constructed sets for school plays.

“If you’re working on the set, talking with the teachers off-hours, you tend to learn more about them than in a classroom,” Bascom says.

... And Keeping Them There
Once dads touch base with their children’s schools, they appear more likely to become active community members. All Pro Dad (www.allprodad.com) is a national program that brings fathers and their children together to have breakfast at school once a month. When the fathers start to regularly visit the school, they begin to get more involved, says director Bryan Davis.

“They feel comfortable,” Davis says. “They get to know the kids’ teachers, and then they’re much more likely to volunteer and help out.”

Of course, getting dads into school may be as simple as inviting them. In 2003, the national PTA surveyed non-member fathers whose wives were members. They said the number one reason they hadn’t joined the PTA was that no one had asked them to.

Remember, though, that many families who see a letter addressed to “parent” will read that to mean “mom.” So if you want dads to show up, you need to target them specifically. Watch D.O.G.S. programs typically start off with a pizza night for dads and kids. Mothers can come with the fathers, but they can’t come in place of the fathers. Snow says it’s typical to see a hundred dads show up.

Even if you’re not starting a Watch D.O.G.S. program, you can still appeal to dads’ stomachs with movie-and-pizza nights or a “doughnuts with dads” morning. Or, ask dads to do the cooking at a pancake breakfast fundraiser.

Men may be eager to help with fundraising or hands-on projects such as landscaping, if they know they’re needed. If you invite them into the classroom to volunteer, be sure to give them a specific task. Some dads may want to read a story to the class, while others might want to help out with a science project. But don’t assume that dads will be turned off by craftier projects involving glitter and glue. If you’re wondering whether something will hold a father’s interest, all you have to do is ask.

A Turning Tide?
While father involvement is relatively low, there is some cause for hope. The percentage of male PTA members has more than doubled over the last five years. In a survey this year, the organization found that 75 percent of local PTA presidents value father involvement, and at least half believed that father involvement has increased in the last three years.

Charles Saylors will take over next year as the first male president of the national PTA in its 111-year history. And the organization recently announced the creation of MORE—Men Organized to Raise Engagement (www.pta.org/more)—a partnership with Watch D.O.G.S., All Pro Dad, and three other fathers’ organizations designed to boost father involvement.

“We’re hoping the day will come when a man walks into an elementary school to volunteer and it’s no big deal,” says Snow. “But right now it’s a huge deal.”

 

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