7 to 8: Ready for More

Giving them options for making their own choices helps foster a sense of responsibility.

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When your child was younger, you called most of the shots. Now things are changing. By second grade, she is ready for—in fact, needs—more say in the decisions that affect her at home, in school, and with friends.

You can support your child by offering more choices within a structured framework. Begin in low-stakes settings. For example, on your next shopping trip, allow her to choose the soup, reminding her that she is deciding for the whole family. Encourage her to consider your wishes (nutrition), along with her sister’s (no beans). As time goes on, expand the number or the importance of the choices. You might give her a say in extracurricular activities or weekend bedtime. Retain veto power, but use it sparingly.

Emphasize that along with increased choices come increased responsibilities. Resist the urge to rescue your child or solve her problems for her. If she waits until the last minute to do a project, don’t race her to the store to get supplies. Children (like adults) learn to make good choices from experience, but experience often comes from making poor choices.

Your child will now also want and need to make decisions concerning herself in relation to peers. She may have new preferences when it comes to fashion or hobbies depending on what her friends are into. While this doesn’t mean you need to race to buy an iPod or change your child’s bedtime so she can “keep up” with the other kids, it does mean that you should expect your child’s interests to include a necessary awareness of her peers’ attitudes and choices

Tips

• Let your child see how you face choices: Make it obvious how you seek additional information, create a list of possible options, and ask for help along the way.

• Guide but don't decide. Ask good questions ("What is the first step to getting that done?") or commet lovingly("It sounds like you have a hard decision to make").

• Emphasize the learning nature of mistakes. Encourage your child to use a poor grade, for example, as motivation for preparing better next time.

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