Tween: Your Guiding Hand
Self-esteem sometimes wanes during the tween years; your continued support can help keep it afloat.
As carefree as it may seem, it’s not easy being a tween. At this age, children need more than your unconditional love and appreciation; they also need hands-on experience to discover who they are, what they like, and how they think. They need chances to become more competent and physically skilled.
You may find that your tween is excited about newly discovered passions and presses you to allow him to develop his talents. He will feel more capable and want new challenges and opportunities to prove it.
Keeping it Real
Well-grounded self-esteem is based on real skills, a clear and positive sense of self, and relationship security. It’s a great quality to nurture. What is far less valuable is shallow self-esteem that is linked to fashion and material possessions. In these times, too many pre-teens become dejected by their “imperfect” bodies and don’t see how wonderful they are for their unique personality and qualities.Your tween will feel good about himself when he
•feels valued as a person because you trust him, listen to him, and do spend quality time with him
•can see that you appreciate and encourage his growing skills
•knows that he’s special to you because you take the time to get to know what matters to him
•genuinely believes he can succeed when given new tasks and challenges
•has good friends and feels well-supported at school
Ways to Help
Gradually give your child more freedom. Let her have some clearly defined personal space or redecorate his bedroom if he’s outgrown the Star Wars designs. If he wants to do homework after TV, and completes it well, allow it. If you refuse too much too often in order to stay in control, you could face far more difficult, assertive challenges as retaliation. Most importantly, show your tween respect. When you support him and his point of view, he’ll feel worthwhile and treated like an equal.
Tips
• When your tween wants to ask or tell you something, stop what you’re doing and listen and make eye contact. If it’s really not possible, say you’ll find her when your mind’s free.
• Let him make you laugh. Tweens love to entertain and impress parents by telling endless painful jokes, acting silly, or exaggerating. You may want to groan, but hide it!
• Tweens are still kids inside and continue to need those beloved close moments like goodnight kisses or being read to.
