3 to 4: Ready to Share
Sharing is a difficult concept for young children to understand. Very simply, it means giving up something of theirs to someone else. Still in the egocentric phase of development, 3-year-olds cannot see things from another’s viewpoint. They are cognitively and emotionally unable to understand that a friend just wants to play with a toy temporarily and will give it back. It feels like they are giving away a part of themselves, especially when the item is a special belonging, like a favorite stuffed animal or tricycle.
Around age 3½, children start to loosen up. They become a little less protective of their possessions and more cooperative in their play as they begin to understand that their peers will eventually return borrowed items. They also start to realize that by agreeing to share, they can control the decisions about who uses their belongings. But they still may not wish to share a highly personal item like a much-loved “blankie.”
Speaking of much-loved items, threes may also have a hard time sharing you and your attention. You may find that your child responds negatively when you chat on the phone or feed the baby.
Fours, on the other hand, discover some real benefits when they start sharing. For instance, if Cameron shares his LEGOs with Paul, they can build a giant space station together. Besides working as a team, they learn to exchange ideas, which makes their play more exciting.
Although preschoolers may be willing to share a plaything with friends or siblings on a temporary basis, they will not be thrilled if others want to keep their possessions permanently. And they will certainly be more than a little annoyed if someone tries to take a belonging of theirs without asking permission first.
Susan A. Miller, Ed.D., a veteran teacher and director, is a professor of early childhood education at Kutztown University of Pennsylvania, and author of the Problem Solving Safari series of teaching guides.
